Kiss
Puke
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
