why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
