When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
