I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
