I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
