Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
