your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
