You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
