...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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