I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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