I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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