Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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