Your mouth is God's brothel.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
