the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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