I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
