Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
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