i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
