I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
