okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
