woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
