don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
