Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
