just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
