I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
