I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
