I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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