It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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