i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
