Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
