Tell her she can't have a vagina
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
