My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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