everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
