I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
