If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Welp...herpes.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
