I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
