Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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