you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I cut my penus on the lid.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
