How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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