I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
