ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize