He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
