i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
