it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
