i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
