i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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