Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
