I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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