i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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