return my video game
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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