Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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