All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
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