i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
