I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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