Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
