I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
