I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
