my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
