martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
