wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
