So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Panties = found
Randomize
