I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize