I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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