they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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