You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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