I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just had sex on a roof
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
