i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
