Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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