not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
My feet surprised me
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
