He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
