people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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