Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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