Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
