I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Randomize
