I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
