i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
